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Does gossip make trouble? :o)

  • Oct. 22nd, 2008 at 10:06 AM
Over Stand
Last night, I had a chat with one of my female college mates from a couple of years ago. She was going on and on about the man in her life, going over tiny details, snagging herself on issues that a guy would probably not be able to imagine himself wallowing in. I can't truly say that I'm an unbiased observer (being male and all) but suddenly, midway through the conversation, I was knocked off my feet by an amazing revelation. Why do girls tend to share everything that happens in their lives, while guys tend to lock themselves shut? I've only ever seen and experienced guys engaging in so-called small talk when they're close to losing their senses.

What is it that makes so much of the difference between Girl-talk and Guy-talk?

Guys tend to lock up their thoughts and feelings. They prefer to run solo, rather than sharing the details with the world around them. Consequently, guy-talk just does'nt happen anywhere as often as girl-talk does.

Usually, when a guy decides to talk, it's because they’re having _serious_ problems, and has a lot of pent-up feelings to deal with. Probably more than he can handle by himself. The problem they avoid here is that of talking too frequently. That's a problem you ask? Well, it can turn into one (or more) so easily, it's not funny. But let's humor me till I'm done ranting. :)

Talking about things too often can easily lead to identification of problems that were not there in the first place. You tend to take a conversation, an issue, a situation, and weave a perfectly non-problem, spinning it into a problem. It's almost like you turn a perfectly good cake into charcoal merely by leaving it in the oven too long. I'm not saying that's what it is exactly, but if one hangs onto something for too long, we train our minds to see flaws that never existed to begin with. It's the power of the mind, and we can't help it.

So what about girls and girl-talk? Girls in general revel in banding up together, and gossiping about tiny tid-bits. This in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, it probably is a good thing. Why would gossip be a good thing you ask? Well, it creates a bond. A bond of confidence between the sharers. They can identify problems that they might have ignored.. They might even identify problems before they occur and they can evaluate the desirability of the prospective mate by bouncing him off their girlfriends.

Girl-talk is all about support, while guy-talk is all about problem-solving.

This becomes imminently clear to me when my female friends talk to me about their relationship problems. Often, when I try to tell them what ought to be done to fix the issue, they just freak out more. Females generally look to me as a friend who listens, and that's something I can do really well. I listen because I can understand them better. Not that it's done me much good anyway. :)

So why do girls freak out when given perfectly sound advice? Sometimes, a girl will take your advice, but it's not a common occurrence. They don't want to be told how to fix their relationship most of the time. What they really want you to do is to tell them how much of a jackass the boyfriend is. That's what they want to hear. You tell them that, and they're more often than not more comfortable with the issue.

It's not like they don't what the problem to go away, they really do! The fact remains however, that they want you to attest to the fact that they're miserable and it's purely his fault. It's a good thing sometimes to uncork your mind and vent out your frustration, but girls when making girl-talk tend to overdo it way out of proportion. Often to the conclusion that it makes a perfectly safe non-issue into a seriously poisonous problem.

If you're a girl, you'll probably understand this bit better than most guys reading this. A girl will have the whole world to gossip with and feel comfortable about it, even a perfect stranger she meets in a loo at a restaurant! However, she'll have one, maybe two close buddies who she takes advice from and listens to in addition to the gossip.

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.. Gossip is one that's been way overdone, probably to addiction levels in a lot of cases.

"Never let a woman set your path for you, when there is a man in her line of sight."
~ Kahlan Amnell - Mother Confessor
Wizards First Rule ~ Sword of Truth Series



angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 04:57 am (UTC)
I could'nt agree more with you about us keeping our worries sacred that way. I guess it would be a better world if we shared a little of what we don't talk about. But left to my own resources, I would'nt open up either.

It's easy to say "Yes, you should talk about blah-blah that effects your personal life with x, y or z" but putting it into practice is like trying to suck pebbles into your mouth with a thin straw.

Considering everything, I wonder why girls don't get sick of guys.. Or do they indeed get sick of them, but put up with or ignore it for some reason I'm unaware of?
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:52 am (UTC)
We do. That's why we shop :)

But seriously, we are how we are. Maybe I read this in that book or maybe it just struck me, humor me here: We probably have retained some characteristics of our ancestors. Men would go hunting and women would be home catering to the young, we lived in groups, probably leading to more socializing among women. To men, hunting and gathering food was the concern and there probably was not much need to socialize.

That said, we've come a long way from that age now, men and women spend a lot of time together. we just have to learn to deal with one another. It's frustrating at times especially with extreme cases, girls that talk endlessly and men that never say a thing.
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 08:11 am (UTC)

We have retained a lot of traits and characteristics from our ancestors. It's one of the reasons why women have an urge to identify and procreate with the coolest genes around while men have little to no emotional fuzziness with regard to relationships.

Of course, we're all balanced one way or another.. and consequently, fit with someone or the other. Some making adjustments, some not. That's all cool and all.

I read an article about promiscuity in women the other day.. I'll locate the link again and post it up for you. Makes you really sit down and wonder if it's the guys or the girls who do the sleeping around. :)
sepiaverse wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 24th, 2008 08:11 am (UTC)
Ah! Thank you oh so much! :o)

I'd clean forgotten that I'd committed myself to posting the link up. :o)

Edited at 2008-10-24 08:44 am (UTC)