Angirasa Acharya (aka Jim....) (angiasaa) wrote,
Angirasa Acharya (aka Jim....)

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Slept like a baby today, awoke all sweaty and clammy....

The cable net guys came to wire me a cable. I think I should be logging in through the cable tomorrow evening. :)

For the rest of me and my thoughts, I've been wondering of late about a little confusion in my head....

To think of ones self as not 'perfect'? I'm a perfectionist! Yeah, that's what I am! :O) And before you people begin to stretch your arms out and writhe seductively against the wall, Let me begin my explanation. :-D

For starters, I'm a perfectionist for I so dearly wish to do everything that I do perfectly, without a flaw, beautiful, pretty, sweet and awesome, not to mention a load of other good things thrown in as well. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as perfect. Cause what I see as perfect might quite likely be your idea of a nightmare in blue shorts if you know what I mean....

To expand on this a bit so the innocent see what I'm driving at, I have this idea in my head, and I try to formulate it into what we refer to as 'reality'. What I end up creating is rarely ever near what I had in my head in the first place. It's like I just can't make my creations as good or as awesome as I had intended to.

I begin with a rough sketch of a thought in my head, and I start adding little wisps of thought to it, soon, there's this huge idea brimming over and I just have to turn it into something real. So, I start working on the idea, with my goal at the horizon, but no matter how fast or how far I run, I'll never reach that goal of mine. The reason is quite simple really, I keep building on my thoughts....

The horizon just keeps it's distance, staying waaay ahead of my progress and I'll never be able to reach it for all that I'm worth! Often, when I'm in my creation mode, people lean over and whisper softly that it looks awesome. I feel they're trying to be appreciative of my efforts, but with a mind like mine, that just no can do! I work on and on, and people just look and stare, trying to tell me they never imagined it could get any better.... Again, I keep to my self inflicted task, but no matter how far I go, My baby still has flaws.... I fix them and new ones come up. And soon comes a time when I just 'have' to let go and lay off for fear of spoiling what little I made....

It's like a sculptor with a problem, he gets to work on this cube of stone, chipping it into shape. soon, a figure stands out and it looks gorgeous.... But the sculptor sees flaws in his work and decides to fix them, he keeps chipping here and there, trying to perfect his work. This goes on for what seems like ages and soon he realizes that his statue is a mere one tenth it's original size due to all the chipping! That's when he realizes he's not getting any place and he gives up feeling like he just can't do it, he's just not good enough! life's like that huh?

Pity we're still alive, alive like this!

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