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Changing My Past....

  • Aug. 5th, 2005 at 1:20 AM
Over Stand
Most of you, some even more than others, will find a kinship with these thoughts, you don't have to read them if you're weak of heart. :)

There are some nasty edges about life that I've never been able to work my way around. At times, just living on the edge tends to soften the aches. It's avoidance really, but sometimes, when you least expect it, it all piles down on you and you shudder under its weight.

I've spent a lifetime regretting my decisions, decisions I thought were incredibly intelligent at the time. I look back at my life now, What do I see? It's a mess, a shambles, but I love it. Without it, I would'nt be who I am today. I'm almost a quarter of a century old now, and at best, that's perhaps a third of my operating lifespan.

I've seen things, I've learnt things, I've regretted most of it.... But I feel superior in the knowledge that I know I messed up somewhere.... :o) My life's given me an edge over others in some ways, while it's pushed me under the water-table in other ways.... Yet, when I look back, I feel a strange sense of happiness that draws itself over my chin....


I think I'm not as much of an asshole as I thought I was.... I'm alive, and I'm moving in some direction.... Whatever it may be, I'm sure of one thing, I'm strange, I'm different, I hope to make a difference.... If I could go back in time and change something about my life, I would'nt be able to bring myself to change anything. I know it might do me good later, I know it would help if I could, but my life is riveted the way it is, I'm a sucker for avoiding pre-change. :o)

I've got a Strategic Management examination in eleven hours.... I have'nt studied a word!! Except for having paid a decent level of attention in class, and interacted a bit with fellow students, I believe I'm bound to feel like a fool in the morning.... :o) Just kidding. If anyone plans to do an MBA< trust me, it's a cake walk. Especially if you have the ability to use whacko terms instead of those that rhyme with common sense! :o)


Farewell: So many friends, old and new have and will depart. This week, and the one to follow is full of friends migrating to greener pastures.... They're goats, and I love them! Take care you guys! Eat well, and sleep alone when you can, it's a wonder what 'real sleep' can do for your mind. :o)

Kaydeeyoh!

Comments

angiasaa wrote:
Aug. 5th, 2005 11:36 am (UTC)
That's a big difference between the two of us.... Confidence.... You have it, I seem to lack it....

People tell me that I seem so darned confident of myself.... Internally, I'm cringing from everything!

It's nice to know I'm not standing up here all alone.... :)