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Mar. 11th, 2004

  • 4:54 PM
Sly Smile
I said something to someone very dear to me today, which sounded nice, for some reason....


Background : I sent an sms last night.... It was as they say, in the moment if you know what I mean.... Looking back on it now, I don't see the value of it, but speaking one-on-one with that individual, this is what I said in regard to the sms....

That was just a moment in my life
Hopefully, when I'm old and decrepit, I'll look back upon my life as one long moment.


:o) Sweet! You think not? lol! I thought it was anyway.... Some years down the line, I might not think it was "sweet", but heck, I'm in the moment remember.... :P



On another note:
There are some things that wrap around us and engulf us completely, they swallow us into their midst and we have no choice but to accept our fates.... Life is such a terribly delicate thing, a small blade, slightly sharpened, can simply carve a slit, and life oozes out like it was just waiting to be released....


Sometimes, when you look back at parts of your life, you feel sorry, some things happen that you really never wanted to happen. Yet, you might be the cause of those very happenings.... The only consolation that there is, is understanding....


When the people who get hurt involuntarily understand that you never meant any of that harm, that's peaceful.... Yet, in a way, it's a pacifying disgruntled feeling that overwhelms us, and we refer back to the memory like some lost emotion, that we wish to flee from as well as can't bear to let slip into the lost folds of our minds....



On Love:
They say that "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all....". In a way, that's true.... But so painful, I'd never suggest it to anyone, living or dead, Life has'nt yet adapted to the crushing emotional strains applied by the loss of love....

Love changes a lot of things in your life.... One of them is your life.... It changes beyond mere words can describe.... When life snaps, the remaining emotion that lingers on tends to mutate and change.... The change that love makes to ones life is so profound and all inclusive, that raking it all back to what it was initially is mammoth enough a task to remain unaccomplished even if you worked at it all the rest of your life....

An instants worth of love can leave so profound an impact upon the emotional part of a being, that even an entire lifetime spent trying to undo it can never really successfully undo any part of it....


Random Stuffing:
Watching pale but livid shadows peel themselves at angles on the complex walls of imagination in my mind....

Seeing things that don't really exist, people calling wildly behind the eerie clanging of Meat hooks past midnight.

People seeing, even before I speak, they judge and conclude before I appear!
What monstrosity do I harbor in this sick, pathetic mind of mine? Ask not, for I fear I shan't stop myself in time to grant favour to your soul.... :)

Kaydeeyoh!

Comments

datempest wrote:
Mar. 11th, 2004 03:10 pm (UTC)
Hmm, that must be one very proud and happy dear one of yours, to have envoked such a post!

Yes, love changes life. Makes the world spin the opposite way! Emotions makes one so weak in the knees doesnt it? But its on us how we tackle them. All it takes is a minute, and your whole life is there in front of you, and what shines through? These emotions.....

Ah well, do tell this dear one that she/he is really lucky!
angiasaa wrote:
Mar. 11th, 2004 04:03 pm (UTC)
I sure hope she is...., I would'nt accept anything else from people as close as that. :)

Emotions; love, lust, pain, desire, hope, they all seem to have more profound an impact on me than other people.... I say "seem" because it could well be a trick of my own bigotted blindness.... My knees always buckle under emotional spurts, but I value the collapse just as much as I do the up-surges.... You're right, a fraction of a second is all one needs.... And before you know it, you're overwhelmned....!

I'll make it a point that I do! lol!
alexli wrote:
Mar. 12th, 2004 12:24 am (UTC)
yeah
The only way to slip out of it is indeed understanding.
Maybe we never wanted to do the things we did
i believe too in what you spoke of love
but also, i think the truth happiness lies in finding the row of love you want
to believe in
lots of love

I'm very glad that you send the message.
Go to action Jim....!

ps. better every day
ps.N is coming today i wont be longing on for a week, i'll go snowboarding too
You'll be in mind.
angiasaa wrote:
Mar. 12th, 2004 07:27 am (UTC)
Re: yeah
Understanding, as always, tends to always be in regard to something that one least expects to reflect reality.... :)
It's cnsoling in a sense, to know that you think along very similar lines as myself. I'm not alone in my thoughts, and that makes a huge difference, life's easier to live without the nuances of a solitary progression through it. :o)

Thankyou for that thought about love, it makes sense, and in a way, I think I'm making that difference pave my path. :)

My regards to N, and happy snowboarding to you! :o)
We'll miss ya.... A lot! Take care of yourself and be good. :-)

Happy thoughts and Kaydeeyoh!
subtle_blues wrote:
May. 22nd, 2005 06:34 pm (UTC)
you feel sorry, some things happen that you really never wanted to happen. Yet, you might be the cause of those very happenings

what if you are not.. what if u have been on the receiving end? what if you wished they never had happened just so that you might feel normal again, cause those things have transformed you irrversably.. what if you were never happy with the transformation but have learnt to live with it,have learnt to live upto it, to live like it were your weapon, your aide?!
:-|


p.s. tis been a while since I went through your archives.. was takin a stroll! :)
angiasaa wrote:
May. 22nd, 2005 07:46 pm (UTC)
When I wrote this post, I was being obvious about my directional slope. Leaning toward the 'I am, and you are not' instead of 'I am not, and you are'. To put it mildly, I did'nt at the time care much for the other directional impulse. The reason for that is obvious I believe (I could be wrong!), since My heart yearns not for myself, but for the world of others, it is but natural for it to think first of their aspect filled world and then of my own.

But to come to your question, what if you are on the receiving end? Well, The answer is pitifully simple in my case.... I could'nt care less it was reversed. It would'nt matter to me as much, in fact, if there was anything on the other end, I'd ensure it was'nt in support of my own interests (When I say my 'own interests', I'm talking of the public interpretation of such a statement and not my own) but instead, supported my real interest, which is to suffice enough to support the hearts of those near and dear ones of my own.

I know and understand how and why I get transformed. I know how and when to apply pressure or force to counteract or amplify that pressure, I can control my own transformations. I can control that of others as well. And I also know that ALL transformations ARE irreversible!

I'm never happy with a transformation. I'm always transforming for exactly that reason.

I can not learn to live with a transformation since before a transformation occurs completely, I'm already re-transforming. It's not only unavoidable, it's imperative.

Transformation is not my weapon, it is my fate. When I transform others, it is only because I see it profitable as a long term advantage (either to them or to myself or both!).

You're welcome to keep strolling through. :) I'll re-read my posts as an excuse to better answering your questions too.
Thank you. :o)