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Lyfe! Ha!

  • Mar. 2nd, 2004 at 5:26 AM
Day Dreams of Love
A barely groomed child, one who knew not what the world was or should be, or could be, once presented to me a question. A question that was obviously genuine and asked out of innocent curiosity. I had, of course, no notion of precognition at the time, to have expected such a penetrating point of view of what was asked of me and I changed my viewpoint in accordance with my psychological need to expand my mental territory over unknown limits thus far established.

The question that was, had nothing to do with life or living, it had nothing whatsoever to do with any of my thoughts, then or now. It was just the intonation of the expression that bore into my mind, and I slid unconsciously into running along parallel subliminal interpretations of semi redundant colorations of my own mind as a result.

Don’t ask me what the question was for it matters not at all. The thing that really does matter though is the effect that it had on my mind. Both then and what it has on my mind now. As a kid perhaps, I would’nt have realized what it meant and might have even asked someone the very same question, and quite obviously, no one would ever give me a decent answer.

The kid just stood there, waiting for my response while I reflected in fast forward, thinking in a serious case of mental-blur. I was glazed over and lost in a misty encapsulation of time-travel. Space and time wrapped itself around me, warping at the edges, the moment lasted longer in my mind that in real actual fact, I came to lightly, the rain beginning to draw dark lines over my high-ankle boots. And I looked down at the still waiting kid.

I felt the muscles in my face distort and I smiled. I actually smiled at the kid, perhaps for the first time ever, since I was myself a kid, as a matter of a fact, weird! I kneeled down on one leg and held an elbow on my knee and considered briefly before saying anything to the kid….

“Life is something I cannot begin to describe to you young lady. It’s meant a lot to me, and shall continue to mean a lot every day that passes me by. I know I’ll keep wondering about the meaning of life until I’m dead, and most likely, I’ll still not know. People live their entire lives asking the same question you just asked me, and so far, no one has been able to decide on a decent answer that satisfies us all.”

“Why?” she asks me, questions forming in her mind and showing up all over her face….

“Life is a huge thing. If I tell you what I think about life, I could go on forever. I’m only 17 years old today, and I’ve got so much to say. When I was 14, I had a lot to say too…. As I grow older, my ideas will become bigger and they will take longer to explain…. You’ll learn too as you grow up, and I’m certain that your answers shall surely be different from mine.”

“Why should it be different? Every question should have the same answer, my teacher said so!”

“Every question that is based on static fact will have the same answer every time.” I notice a non-comprehending look and continue accordingly. “Static is when the conditions don’t change. Life is a question that has no specific answer because your life is different from mine…. My life has different people in it, I have different friends and relatives, I see different things, there’s too much difference between us and coming to the same answer would be too difficult.”

We spoke for quite a while, but never reached a conclusion. One question after another, we went on for ages…. It’s strange how children find it so easy to ask questions…. I myself would love to ask questions, but I keep myself from going too far. I sometimes wish I was a kid, I really do, but I know that is totally impossible….

Of late, I’ve been on a binding spell, I’ve been tracking my thoughts down. It’s hard to explain in simple language what I mean when I say that, but that’s basically what it is. I simply reflect on my thoughts. There are so many of them, but once I get a grip on a particular thought, I follow its direction and try to tack it down. One thought tacked down, I move on along logical propagation and try to locate and tack down every following thought.

It’s like a detective story, and looks rather like spring-cleaning in a way. I am basically re-organizing my thoughts in my brain, trying to straighten out the complexities and generate a kind of a direct understanding of things. Once done, I’ll never have to wonder about the same thing again, except of course, to associate newer thoughts and to create more connections to pre-thought out stuff.

I’ll never be done with this I’m sure, but nothing stops me, so I go on…. Life is too short for the things we dream up. If it were longer, say about four or five fold longer, the complexities and the amount of data would increase proportionately and we’d still be getting nowhere. Does that mean life is just a big fat question mark? Maybe it is. And maybe we’re just living our lives with no ultimate end in sight, not even in programming. As a matter of fact, It should’nt really make a difference since we would’nt be around, neither us, nor our descendants would ever see it. We’re just enlarging the fish bowl with every step we take, and prolonging it with every life we make….

Sarcastic maybe, but it makes as well as disqualifies true sense…. It’s a stupid thing, but it’s something that’s existent. Is’nt everything?



(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Mar. 1st, 2004 10:18 pm (UTC)
angiasaa wrote:
Mar. 1st, 2004 10:52 pm (UTC)
:) I never stopped posting man. The posts you don't see are those that are private. :) That's about 24 posts between my last public post and this one. lol!

You don't have to read this, It's just a reflection.

datempest wrote:
Mar. 2nd, 2004 12:19 am (UTC)
Hakuna Matata and kaydeeyoh to you!

Lyfe, isnt it full of ironies and sarcasm? Yet, we do go and live on, we have to... unless you are suicidal.

Lyfe and its mysteries, no matter how many posts you put up trying to understand, you will still be in square one. Then all of a sudden you get snuffed and realise you spent too much time thinking about life then enjoying it!

Cant help but ponder over it can you? No one can stop thinking about it. One day when the juices of my thoughts dry up ill probably post a HUGE post on my thoughts to life. Till then I guess I shall just live it!

angiasaa wrote:
Mar. 2nd, 2004 01:10 am (UTC)
No, unfortunately, I'm far from suicidal.

I'll never feel I've spent too much time thinking abou life than I spend enjoying it. For me, enjoyment is a part of the whole deal.

Good luck,
alexli wrote:
Mar. 2nd, 2004 05:17 am (UTC)
Did your hair grow longer?

Yes i remember still when i was a kid mements i would fill ulterly strike by a mystery and a question.
i guess it still goes on now but it's more like a fantasy
or a hope.
or even un ugly sarcasm in my mind full of longing
i liked this post of yours

i slept 16 ours last night, feeling better today
i still misinterprut some things
i wonder is it gonna stop,
yahoo me pal
angiasaa wrote:
Mar. 2nd, 2004 12:41 pm (UTC)
Re: virtuozo
Yes, it did. I just had a haircut a few days ago though. So I look incredibly different now. :)

Memories of when I was a kid, still plague me, I sometimes look back at my thoughts as they were then, and se how differently I see those same thoughts today.... It's truly a learning experience.

Thankyou. I guess everyone has a side of themselves that will relate in some way to this post. It is not something on the surface though, people have to dig down deep into their minds to see it most of the time. It's funny that you managed to do so, I'm impressed Alexli. :)

Glad you feel better today, You might misinterpret things, but in my opinion, You're doing much better than normal people would. Much much better. I've regained my faith in some thoughts. One of them is you. :)

I'm gonna yahoo you right now. :)

Thanks for the lovely comment.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Mar. 2nd, 2004 05:17 am (UTC)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Mar. 3rd, 2004 01:10 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Mar. 3rd, 2004 01:17 pm (UTC)
angiasaa wrote:
Mar. 3rd, 2004 04:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, By the way, apart from the thanks, I forgot to mention that I really loved it. :)

Bless us all!
subtle_blues wrote:
May. 30th, 2005 08:09 pm (UTC)
The more I've learnt about life , the more ideas I have of it, the lesser I talk about it. Somehow I think as u grow older u will find much simpler ways of explaining what life actually is. As years pass by, I feel, u are gonna feel lesser and lesser inclined to talk about Lyfe.

Maybe it's not true with everyone, but with me, the more I learn, the more I understand , the less i talk. Not that I can't, just that knowledge sometimes simply Numbs you .. u know what I mean? u always do..

p.s. Hey Jim is it remotely possible(or am I misled) that I begin to understand what Kaydeeyoh means( maybe not the literal but the sublime) even without you explaining it out to me.. even without me having read about it anywhere!?? do u think I might just be able to "get it"?
angiasaa wrote:
Jun. 1st, 2005 08:04 pm (UTC)
The main reason why people stop talking about life as time goes by and as they grow older is not because they think it's an easy-peasy thing to figure out but because they're upset about the end of life nearing. Life does'nt really grow easy to understand, it grows harder and harder with the passage of time. The older you get, the more you realize that life is more than just what we thought it was.

Ofcourse, it all depends on the complexity of the mind that's trying to figure it out. And ofcourse, on the inputs that that particular mind is able to absorb and reflect upon. It's rare to find both those complexities tied into one being.

I know what you mean. But the knowledge numbs you not because it's finite. It's because there's a crossover of mental variables. We should talk about this sometime, it's interesting to see how the human mind is able to break free of a short-circuited idea flow in the brain. Right now, you feel it's easier to understand, right now, the variables are still finite. Soon, the world will explode, your understanding of the world around you will suddenly expand and the complexity of the whole life issue will expand exponentially.

About 'Kaydeeyoh!', yes, it is indeed possible. In fact, I might have mentioned this earlier, I don't remember, at least not in your hearing, but I have mentioned that if one actually goes through my archives and interacts with me, not only do they get a better understanding of who and what I am, but also, what Kaydeeyoh is too.... :o)
subtle_blues wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2005 06:00 am (UTC)
when i said "simpler ways" I didn't mean anythng easy-peasy. As usual not the right words I guess.

What I meant was "u come up with seemingly simple statements to define life but only u know how much depth is hidden behind those simple words. U see no point in making it more complexed than what it already is by pouring out all _your_ understanding/non- understanding of it. U know life can only be figured out, not explained. Cause by that time you would've had a completely different opinion of it from the rest of us"
that's what I meant.
nope I never for a minute thought life is anything easy to figure out..
Kaydeeyoh it is then!
angiasaa wrote:
Jun. 3rd, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC)
U know life can only be figured out, not explained. Cause by that time you would've had a completely different opinion of it from the rest of us

Could'nt have said that better!