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Does gossip make trouble? :o)

  • Oct. 22nd, 2008 at 10:06 AM
Over Stand
Last night, I had a chat with one of my female college mates from a couple of years ago. She was going on and on about the man in her life, going over tiny details, snagging herself on issues that a guy would probably not be able to imagine himself wallowing in. I can't truly say that I'm an unbiased observer (being male and all) but suddenly, midway through the conversation, I was knocked off my feet by an amazing revelation. Why do girls tend to share everything that happens in their lives, while guys tend to lock themselves shut? I've only ever seen and experienced guys engaging in so-called small talk when they're close to losing their senses.

What is it that makes so much of the difference between Girl-talk and Guy-talk?

Guys tend to lock up their thoughts and feelings. They prefer to run solo, rather than sharing the details with the world around them. Consequently, guy-talk just does'nt happen anywhere as often as girl-talk does.

Usually, when a guy decides to talk, it's because they’re having _serious_ problems, and has a lot of pent-up feelings to deal with. Probably more than he can handle by himself. The problem they avoid here is that of talking too frequently. That's a problem you ask? Well, it can turn into one (or more) so easily, it's not funny. But let's humor me till I'm done ranting. :)

Talking about things too often can easily lead to identification of problems that were not there in the first place. You tend to take a conversation, an issue, a situation, and weave a perfectly non-problem, spinning it into a problem. It's almost like you turn a perfectly good cake into charcoal merely by leaving it in the oven too long. I'm not saying that's what it is exactly, but if one hangs onto something for too long, we train our minds to see flaws that never existed to begin with. It's the power of the mind, and we can't help it.

So what about girls and girl-talk? Girls in general revel in banding up together, and gossiping about tiny tid-bits. This in itself is not a bad thing. In fact, it probably is a good thing. Why would gossip be a good thing you ask? Well, it creates a bond. A bond of confidence between the sharers. They can identify problems that they might have ignored.. They might even identify problems before they occur and they can evaluate the desirability of the prospective mate by bouncing him off their girlfriends.

Girl-talk is all about support, while guy-talk is all about problem-solving.

This becomes imminently clear to me when my female friends talk to me about their relationship problems. Often, when I try to tell them what ought to be done to fix the issue, they just freak out more. Females generally look to me as a friend who listens, and that's something I can do really well. I listen because I can understand them better. Not that it's done me much good anyway. :)

So why do girls freak out when given perfectly sound advice? Sometimes, a girl will take your advice, but it's not a common occurrence. They don't want to be told how to fix their relationship most of the time. What they really want you to do is to tell them how much of a jackass the boyfriend is. That's what they want to hear. You tell them that, and they're more often than not more comfortable with the issue.

It's not like they don't what the problem to go away, they really do! The fact remains however, that they want you to attest to the fact that they're miserable and it's purely his fault. It's a good thing sometimes to uncork your mind and vent out your frustration, but girls when making girl-talk tend to overdo it way out of proportion. Often to the conclusion that it makes a perfectly safe non-issue into a seriously poisonous problem.

If you're a girl, you'll probably understand this bit better than most guys reading this. A girl will have the whole world to gossip with and feel comfortable about it, even a perfect stranger she meets in a loo at a restaurant! However, she'll have one, maybe two close buddies who she takes advice from and listens to in addition to the gossip.

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.. Gossip is one that's been way overdone, probably to addiction levels in a lot of cases.

"Never let a woman set your path for you, when there is a man in her line of sight."
~ Kahlan Amnell - Mother Confessor
Wizards First Rule ~ Sword of Truth Series



(no subject) - crabbycool - Oct. 22nd, 2008 06:30 am (UTC)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 22nd, 2008 06:39 am (UTC)
:o) I don't know how women can be so open with each other about their love, their lives and their relationships either..

I've tried, and failed to do it. But at least I've come to the point where I know what it is, I know how it works, I know why they do it also.. But at the same time, I don't think I'll ever be able to embrace it. :o)

Men almost never talk about these things. It's almost like we were created to be unable to do so. :( I don't know how it feels to tell someone what you really want to tell them. I guess I'll never know.
popcorn09 wrote:
Oct. 22nd, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
I fail to understand why men think it is so odd... I have a lot of friends and I can talk a lot to a lot of them. It is just great! ;)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 04:21 am (UTC)
You almost make me feel like I'm missing out on something. :)

I'm glad I don't usually talk about inconsequentialities (coinage? :-\ ), but at the same time, I figure it must feel good to just sit back and let fly from time to time..

Gosh, women! I'll never truly know what their minds are made of. :o)
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 12:58 am (UTC)
Oh Swati, you should absolutely read this article --> http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Thank me later! :D
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:17 am (UTC)
Who' Swati?

Very nice little article. How'd you come across it any way?
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:43 am (UTC)
it's a regular column in New York Times. This one was one of the best and most circulated. The rest are not as good.
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:45 am (UTC)
Ah.. You're subscribed to it? Or was it a random thing?
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:47 am (UTC)
ok here's the real story...

I read NY times online, my friend subscribes to it. He loves NY times. I was going through another article in the same column, when he saw that and quickly suggested i read this one. so that's how the knowledge was passed on to me.
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:49 am (UTC)
Ah.. Okai.

So you kept the link?

Or was it just coincidence that I posted my post and you read the article around the same time?
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:50 am (UTC)
man.. you are one curious cat!
I had the link somewhere in my gmail. I had forwarded it to another friend of mine, who also just got married.
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:53 am (UTC)
Ah, okai. :) Was just trying to figure out how it worked itself here and if it was a freaky coincidence or if it was just one of your favourites.

"another"? :)
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:55 am (UTC)
I'm ignoring that question mark.
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 08:11 am (UTC)
Wimp! :)
(no subject) - crabbycool - Oct. 23rd, 2008 06:41 am (UTC)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 08:14 am (UTC)
I still insist that males and females, Indian or otherwise, are fundamentally very different. :) Probably completely different organisms, for all we may know. :o)
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 22nd, 2008 11:02 am (UTC)
Well, somebody's made a book out of this observation/theory already.

It's not a well written book, but it basically tells the truth. Can't vouch for all women but I am well aware of my need to talk :)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 22nd, 2008 11:29 am (UTC)
Hmmm.... I've been promising myself that I'll read that book for the past four years or so now and it just never happens.

You say it's not well written. do you think it's worth wasting time on it or should I stick to my re-reading of the "Sword of Truth" series?
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 22nd, 2008 01:58 pm (UTC)
You should absolutely re-read your 'Sword of Truth' series. But give this book a quick glance too. I think it's worth a read, I think. It's pretty quick too.
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
Hmmm.... I probably will. But only once I'm through with the entire series. I've started now, I can't stop mid-stride. :)
inspirethoughts wrote:
Oct. 22nd, 2008 03:54 pm (UTC)
Interesting facts. I have to agree to the fact that we girls do talk and gossip a lot...be it with men or women...we do do gilr-talk. Your post reminds me of a management session we had a few months ago at our company as part of the PMI program. The topic was about PMI Code, ethics, etc.. One of the topic was about "how one should not talk more than required in a meeting. Like how not to spin a story when discussing an issue rather just state the issue and facts". And the intructor (also a female) had specifically told that "For all women out there, I know that we talk a lit and gossip a lot. But, never do story-telling in meetings or discussions. Avoid that very much. I know it is difficult, but you have got to stop doing that". LOL!

Coming back to your post, I disagree that men dont do gossip. I have seen several men doing gossiping too and their so called guy-talk is similar to our girl-talk. :)
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 12:54 am (UTC)
I have seen several men doing gossiping too and their so called guy-talk is similar to our girl-talk. :)

From what I've seen, men gossip, maybe sometimes even more than women. I think it's what they call 'keeping themselves informed, just in case.' But men never (almost never) talk about their own worries/issues. Women (of course not all) just share everything, from gossip to all their personal concerns and worries
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 04:57 am (UTC)
I could'nt agree more with you about us keeping our worries sacred that way. I guess it would be a better world if we shared a little of what we don't talk about. But left to my own resources, I would'nt open up either.

It's easy to say "Yes, you should talk about blah-blah that effects your personal life with x, y or z" but putting it into practice is like trying to suck pebbles into your mouth with a thin straw.

Considering everything, I wonder why girls don't get sick of guys.. Or do they indeed get sick of them, but put up with or ignore it for some reason I'm unaware of?
subtle_blues wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:52 am (UTC)
We do. That's why we shop :)

But seriously, we are how we are. Maybe I read this in that book or maybe it just struck me, humor me here: We probably have retained some characteristics of our ancestors. Men would go hunting and women would be home catering to the young, we lived in groups, probably leading to more socializing among women. To men, hunting and gathering food was the concern and there probably was not much need to socialize.

That said, we've come a long way from that age now, men and women spend a lot of time together. we just have to learn to deal with one another. It's frustrating at times especially with extreme cases, girls that talk endlessly and men that never say a thing.
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 08:11 am (UTC)

We have retained a lot of traits and characteristics from our ancestors. It's one of the reasons why women have an urge to identify and procreate with the coolest genes around while men have little to no emotional fuzziness with regard to relationships.

Of course, we're all balanced one way or another.. and consequently, fit with someone or the other. Some making adjustments, some not. That's all cool and all.

I read an article about promiscuity in women the other day.. I'll locate the link again and post it up for you. Makes you really sit down and wonder if it's the guys or the girls who do the sleeping around. :)
sepiaverse wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 24th, 2008 08:11 am (UTC)
Ah! Thank you oh so much! :o)

I'd clean forgotten that I'd committed myself to posting the link up. :o)

Edited at 2008-10-24 08:44 am (UTC)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 04:51 am (UTC)
That's an interesting story. :) In this day and age when politicians use labels stamped with "gender equality" to skim votes off the unthinking majority, it's amazing how little people really understand the glaring differences between males and females. :)

The genders each have their pros and cons.. Both developed the way that they did, dancing to the tune of natural selection and survival of the fittest (basically the same thing, I know. lol!). But just blanketing the term with "equality" does not make them equal. How unfortunate..

I've strayed massively from the subject. :o)

Oh, men do gossip, yes. But it's a rare thing. You watch a man for a month and you might catch him gossiping once or twice. Unless he's with company that positively facilitates gossip, he'd rather walk away than take part.

But as subtle_blues rightly says in a following comment thread, most, if not all men would prefer to cry in public than talk about their relationship with most of his friends. He'll probably have one friend in the whole world who he'd open up to _if_ he was in a fix. But if a guy can handle a personal problem, or thinks he can, he'll not share it with even his best buddy.

We men're a wierd species.. :) But I guess we did something right or we'd have gone extinct a long time ago. :o)

Edited at 2008-10-23 05:51 am (UTC)
inspirethoughts wrote:
Oct. 23rd, 2008 03:09 pm (UTC)
We men're a wierd species.. :)

Well, I must say you did put it right! :)
angiasaa wrote:
Oct. 24th, 2008 08:45 am (UTC)
lol! Thank you. :)
simplysaps wrote:
Nov. 10th, 2008 09:53 am (UTC)
I AGREE Boss :)
angiasaa wrote:
Nov. 10th, 2008 09:59 am (UTC)
Hey hey hey!!

Long time no see eh! How've you been Saps? All well and stuff?

Out here, life goes on. Small troubles keep popping up from time to time, but I guess for the most part, I'm better off intellectually today, than I've ever been before. :)

Keep in touch naa.. I'm angiasaa.at.gmail.dot.com if you're ever in the vicinity. :)

simplysaps wrote:
Nov. 12th, 2008 11:26 am (UTC)
'Vicinity'- the operative word...

Now...if U mean vicinity in g-mail...That to I'm not....And if U mean vicinity in Hyd...that too I'm not...And Agar U mean vicinity on Live Journal...that too I'm not much lately...

So where am I??? Good school of Thought for my next write-up I guess...

Tc Abhs :)
angiasaa wrote:
Nov. 18th, 2008 06:58 am (UTC)
lol! Vicinity = Online.

What have you been up to? It's been so long, I don't even remember what you were doing the last time we interacted. :)

Update your journal sometime, I'll be on the watch.